Okay… I am trying to calm down. I did it. I’m in. No backing out now. After I write this I’m gonna go meet somebody… and I don’t know what will happen then. Whoo… well, it wasn’t very pleasant how I got in. I went to school, knowing what I’d have to do, telling myself “YOU got yourself into this, McDodd, carry it through.” And I did.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
If you were me what could you have done?
Meet Whoville’s newest gangster. Yep, I, JoJo McDodd, have turned ruffian. Not really, of course, but in order to infiltrate the gang that’s been messing around with Whoville. At least, the High School part.
Yesterday, Dr Wocket came over, again. I got called again, but this time it was Dad calling me, and I didn’t have to wonder if he really meant it. I came in and it was Dr Wocket. “Ahh, JoJo. Could I have a minute with you?” “Sure.” We went into the living room, and he said, “Is there somewhere more private we can talk?” “Well, my room is good…” He stood up. “Good.” I was a little worried, why was this such a big secret? Anyway, we went to my room and he looked around and blinked a few times before speaking again. “It’s dark in here.” He said, although he looked a little like he was stalling. “That’s how I like it.” “Well you may wish to… never mind, enough stalling. I have a proposal for you, and all I would like you to do right now is to let me talk. Without interruption. Now, the point is, I would like you to do some work for me. What I’m asking you to do is to join a gang.” My jaw dropped, but he kept talking. “We need an insider, perhaps to tell us more about the gang so the authorities can arrest all the members at once. And YOU were the most likely canadate for the position. Hear me out. Your… I mean to say your parents’ social standing is rather high. Do you know what a gang like that might give to have the son of the mayor in their midst? They would likely bend over backwards to get you into their ranks, and with you in them, you could tell me about the structure and inner workings of the gang. However, it’s only fair to tell you of the risks involved. Gang structures such as this one are not the… kindly type. If you were caught, or even suspected, I cannot say what they would do to you, but I assure you it would not be pleasant. But think of what you could give the city! You would perhaps give us the knowledge we need to incapacitate these hoodlums, and perhaps, once again, save our city.” I tried to speak, but no sound came out. “I will not pressure you into doing ANYTHING you will regret. But this is very, very important, and right now I cannot tell you everything, but I assure you, it will all be very much worth your while, and although the risks involved will not be minor, they could pale in comparison to what you could do for Whoville. I will not ask you now for a decision. It is only fair to tell you that this could be something you would regret for the rest of your life. Either way, in fact. I’m sorry to put so much on your shoulders. I know the gravity of what I am asking you, and I assure you, I would not ask you to do any such thing unless I was sure it was of the utmost importance.” I stuttered a minute. “What… what about my parents?” “Ahh, yes. They could not know or find out about this. I think they would react unfavorably, but the choice MUST be yours.” I looked around, looking for answers… finding none in the red-painted walls of my room. “I’m not trying to get an answer now… think about it, JoJo.” I looked up, I was thinking but I asked a stupid question. “What… what would they do to me?” I knew in the back of my mind that he’d said he didn’t know, but that was the first thing I thought of. “I just honestly don’t know. But I think at best… if it was a very, very friendly gang, which I don’t think this one is, you could only be severely beaten and perhaps left at the side of the road…” I didn’t listen to what he said next. What I was thinking then, I can’t exactly remember. But what I said then, I’ll NEVER forget. “I’ll do it.” Maybe one of the stupidest things I’ll ever say, I don’t know right now. “JoJo, I don’t want you to rush into this. I’ll let you have until tomorrow…” “No, I’ll do it.” And all of a sudden I had a whodrenaline rush. “What do I do, where do I start?” His face did light up, even though he tried not to let me see it. “JoJo, think about it. If you are not very, very careful in covering your tracks, it will go very badly with you.” “I know, I know, I think I can do it. I am sure I can. It’s for Whoville, right now I’d do anything for my town.” “Good for you. But I don’t as of yet know everything. And I can’t reveal all that I DO know right now, but I swear I would never ask this of you if it was not of the utmost importance. I am repeating myself again…” “What do I do first?” “Well, act like you wish to join… perhaps you think you have been mistreated, or something unfair has happened. Not to offend you, but I have noticed you already… sometimes carry yourself as a gang member would.” I was a little surprised. “Whaddaya mean?” “My advice so that you look more convincing would be just to… slouch. It is extremely hard on the posture, and bad for the back, but it would be how a gangster would carry himself.” I straightened up almost unconsciously. He laughed a little. “Well, what if they ask me to do something bad, like vandalize something? What would I do then?” He thought a moment. “I do not think that they would be asking you to do anything like that. Owing to your size, and the fact that you are a McDodd and have access to the counsel’s deeds, I should think they would put you down as part of the brains of the operation, and not have you doing anything they would need more… physical power for.” “I can do almost as much as a normal-sized Who my age.” I said, a little annoyed. “I’m sure you could, but I am not so sure the gang would be inclined to think that way. No offense meant. But if they do ask you to do such a thing… do it. For the greater good of Whoville. Then come straight to me and tell me what you have done.” “Okay… then what?” “I will be telling you exactly what to do tomorrow. If you wish to back out then, tell me THEN. Later may be too late. You understand what a huge risk you are taking on yourself, JoJo McDodd? I cannot promise you that you will come out of this… whole.” “I understand, sir. But this is my town, I gotta do what I can for it even now.” “Oh, JoJo. I need you to do this terribly, but I want you to be sure you know that this is a very big thing. Think about it, please do it, but I have to tell you that if you do this you are running a risk of ruining your life for the future.” “I KNOW! I understand completely, but I also know that if I don’t do this this gang could be the death of Whoville as we know it!” And I was starting to sound like Dad, psyched over a town. But it’s not the town, it’s the people in it that matter so much. Even if it’s not my life, nobody has a right to take it away from them. Especially not a lot of overgrown jerks who just want to have fun or something. I think something like that might have been going through the doctor’s head. “JoJo, this is not going to be fun and games. This is life, and a hard life it is sometimes. I never thought I’d live to see the day I’d be asking a thirteen year old to…” “FOURTEEN” “fourteen year old to perhaps give up his life for Whoville.” And I had a weird thought then, and it came out. “Dad does that every day.” I don’t know why I said it, and I think it was a stupid thing to say, but Dr Wocket agreed with me. “Yes, he does. As will you someday.” I nodded. I think back over it. I still hate the idea, but it’s what I gotta do, no matter how hard it is for me. And I can’t fight it, so I gave up on that almost a year ago with that word… a nonsense word. Yopp? What’s yopp supposed to mean? Oh well. All that was said and done. And I realized a strange thing… “Why am I always the one saving Whoville?” I asked nobody in particular. Dr Wocket laughed. “I don’t know. It just falls to you every time. You are just the right man for the job.” He stood up. “JoJo, think seriously about this decision. After tomorrow, there’s no backing down.” “I don’t give up.” “No, from what I’ve heard you are a very stubborn lad.” I didn’t know exactly how to reply to THAT statement, but he didn’t expect a reply. He left. I didn’t sleep very well. And today I stopped by for his instructions, but he’s not here. He left a note on his desk and said he was expecting I could use this computer if I wanted to while I was waiting. So I’m waiting at Who-U for Dr Wocket. I will tell him “There’s no backing out now”. Maybe I’ll go see Dr LaRue while I wait… but I can’t tell her about this.
Yesterday, Dr Wocket came over, again. I got called again, but this time it was Dad calling me, and I didn’t have to wonder if he really meant it. I came in and it was Dr Wocket. “Ahh, JoJo. Could I have a minute with you?” “Sure.” We went into the living room, and he said, “Is there somewhere more private we can talk?” “Well, my room is good…” He stood up. “Good.” I was a little worried, why was this such a big secret? Anyway, we went to my room and he looked around and blinked a few times before speaking again. “It’s dark in here.” He said, although he looked a little like he was stalling. “That’s how I like it.” “Well you may wish to… never mind, enough stalling. I have a proposal for you, and all I would like you to do right now is to let me talk. Without interruption. Now, the point is, I would like you to do some work for me. What I’m asking you to do is to join a gang.” My jaw dropped, but he kept talking. “We need an insider, perhaps to tell us more about the gang so the authorities can arrest all the members at once. And YOU were the most likely canadate for the position. Hear me out. Your… I mean to say your parents’ social standing is rather high. Do you know what a gang like that might give to have the son of the mayor in their midst? They would likely bend over backwards to get you into their ranks, and with you in them, you could tell me about the structure and inner workings of the gang. However, it’s only fair to tell you of the risks involved. Gang structures such as this one are not the… kindly type. If you were caught, or even suspected, I cannot say what they would do to you, but I assure you it would not be pleasant. But think of what you could give the city! You would perhaps give us the knowledge we need to incapacitate these hoodlums, and perhaps, once again, save our city.” I tried to speak, but no sound came out. “I will not pressure you into doing ANYTHING you will regret. But this is very, very important, and right now I cannot tell you everything, but I assure you, it will all be very much worth your while, and although the risks involved will not be minor, they could pale in comparison to what you could do for Whoville. I will not ask you now for a decision. It is only fair to tell you that this could be something you would regret for the rest of your life. Either way, in fact. I’m sorry to put so much on your shoulders. I know the gravity of what I am asking you, and I assure you, I would not ask you to do any such thing unless I was sure it was of the utmost importance.” I stuttered a minute. “What… what about my parents?” “Ahh, yes. They could not know or find out about this. I think they would react unfavorably, but the choice MUST be yours.” I looked around, looking for answers… finding none in the red-painted walls of my room. “I’m not trying to get an answer now… think about it, JoJo.” I looked up, I was thinking but I asked a stupid question. “What… what would they do to me?” I knew in the back of my mind that he’d said he didn’t know, but that was the first thing I thought of. “I just honestly don’t know. But I think at best… if it was a very, very friendly gang, which I don’t think this one is, you could only be severely beaten and perhaps left at the side of the road…” I didn’t listen to what he said next. What I was thinking then, I can’t exactly remember. But what I said then, I’ll NEVER forget. “I’ll do it.” Maybe one of the stupidest things I’ll ever say, I don’t know right now. “JoJo, I don’t want you to rush into this. I’ll let you have until tomorrow…” “No, I’ll do it.” And all of a sudden I had a whodrenaline rush. “What do I do, where do I start?” His face did light up, even though he tried not to let me see it. “JoJo, think about it. If you are not very, very careful in covering your tracks, it will go very badly with you.” “I know, I know, I think I can do it. I am sure I can. It’s for Whoville, right now I’d do anything for my town.” “Good for you. But I don’t as of yet know everything. And I can’t reveal all that I DO know right now, but I swear I would never ask this of you if it was not of the utmost importance. I am repeating myself again…” “What do I do first?” “Well, act like you wish to join… perhaps you think you have been mistreated, or something unfair has happened. Not to offend you, but I have noticed you already… sometimes carry yourself as a gang member would.” I was a little surprised. “Whaddaya mean?” “My advice so that you look more convincing would be just to… slouch. It is extremely hard on the posture, and bad for the back, but it would be how a gangster would carry himself.” I straightened up almost unconsciously. He laughed a little. “Well, what if they ask me to do something bad, like vandalize something? What would I do then?” He thought a moment. “I do not think that they would be asking you to do anything like that. Owing to your size, and the fact that you are a McDodd and have access to the counsel’s deeds, I should think they would put you down as part of the brains of the operation, and not have you doing anything they would need more… physical power for.” “I can do almost as much as a normal-sized Who my age.” I said, a little annoyed. “I’m sure you could, but I am not so sure the gang would be inclined to think that way. No offense meant. But if they do ask you to do such a thing… do it. For the greater good of Whoville. Then come straight to me and tell me what you have done.” “Okay… then what?” “I will be telling you exactly what to do tomorrow. If you wish to back out then, tell me THEN. Later may be too late. You understand what a huge risk you are taking on yourself, JoJo McDodd? I cannot promise you that you will come out of this… whole.” “I understand, sir. But this is my town, I gotta do what I can for it even now.” “Oh, JoJo. I need you to do this terribly, but I want you to be sure you know that this is a very big thing. Think about it, please do it, but I have to tell you that if you do this you are running a risk of ruining your life for the future.” “I KNOW! I understand completely, but I also know that if I don’t do this this gang could be the death of Whoville as we know it!” And I was starting to sound like Dad, psyched over a town. But it’s not the town, it’s the people in it that matter so much. Even if it’s not my life, nobody has a right to take it away from them. Especially not a lot of overgrown jerks who just want to have fun or something. I think something like that might have been going through the doctor’s head. “JoJo, this is not going to be fun and games. This is life, and a hard life it is sometimes. I never thought I’d live to see the day I’d be asking a thirteen year old to…” “FOURTEEN” “fourteen year old to perhaps give up his life for Whoville.” And I had a weird thought then, and it came out. “Dad does that every day.” I don’t know why I said it, and I think it was a stupid thing to say, but Dr Wocket agreed with me. “Yes, he does. As will you someday.” I nodded. I think back over it. I still hate the idea, but it’s what I gotta do, no matter how hard it is for me. And I can’t fight it, so I gave up on that almost a year ago with that word… a nonsense word. Yopp? What’s yopp supposed to mean? Oh well. All that was said and done. And I realized a strange thing… “Why am I always the one saving Whoville?” I asked nobody in particular. Dr Wocket laughed. “I don’t know. It just falls to you every time. You are just the right man for the job.” He stood up. “JoJo, think seriously about this decision. After tomorrow, there’s no backing down.” “I don’t give up.” “No, from what I’ve heard you are a very stubborn lad.” I didn’t know exactly how to reply to THAT statement, but he didn’t expect a reply. He left. I didn’t sleep very well. And today I stopped by for his instructions, but he’s not here. He left a note on his desk and said he was expecting I could use this computer if I wanted to while I was waiting. So I’m waiting at Who-U for Dr Wocket. I will tell him “There’s no backing out now”. Maybe I’ll go see Dr LaRue while I wait… but I can’t tell her about this.
First, there was school… school is bad enough without a science test I failed miserably. And then after school, I tripped over somebody’s foot, into a mud puddle. I jumped up and these two guys were standing there laughing. “All right, who did that?” I asked. “Oooo little Mr. I’m-better-than-you fell down!” I was getting mad by now, can you blame me? And one said, “Be scared, little emo’s mad.” And I yelled, “I am NOT emo!” and almost leapt on both, but one of the teachers was walking by and saw us. “What happened, boys? JoJo, why are you muddy?” “He tripped.” “On his own feet.” They said before I had a chance to say anything. “I did NOT! Somebody tripped me!” I said as calmly as I could, given the circumstances. “Really? Who?” He asked. “I don’t know…” “Boys?” “Neither of us, I told you he tripped over his own little feet. Why would you believe HIM, anyway?” I looked at the speaker, he was a big Who, weirdly enough he wasn’t in my class, and I didn’t recognize him. “Well, he IS the one who is covered in mud.” “His own PARENTS can’t trust him, so why should you?” “Take it back!” I said and I don’t know what I would have done if the teacher didn’t put a hand on my chest. “JoJo, don’t do anything you’ll… regret…” and I was so disgusted with all of them. “Nobody trusts me!” I yelled and I almost ran away… but they’d laugh and say I told you so so I stood there and didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t about to cry and I now I couldn’t run away. “It’s okay, son, go home and let your mom get you cleaned off.” “I’ll do it myself.” I said and shoved his hand away and went home. But I did look back, and the teacher was walking away, and there was this other guy who came up to the two other boys and was yelling at them… I thought about that for a second and kept going. And like I expected, mom was there, waiting for us all to get home and there was the anticipated “JoJo! What happened?”
“Uhhhh… I… tripped.” I looked down… I didn’t know why but I didn’t want to tell her what happened. “JoJo?” I looked at her… for about a second. “Sure you just ‘tripped’?” “Yeah.” She looked at me a little strangely. I think. “I’ll go get… cleaned up.” I said awkwardly and went off. This was yesterday. Then... see next entry for what happened later.
“Uhhhh… I… tripped.” I looked down… I didn’t know why but I didn’t want to tell her what happened. “JoJo?” I looked at her… for about a second. “Sure you just ‘tripped’?” “Yeah.” She looked at me a little strangely. I think. “I’ll go get… cleaned up.” I said awkwardly and went off. This was yesterday. Then... see next entry for what happened later.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Dr Wocket
Well, I met Dr. Wocket yesterday. I mean, in person. I emailed him before, but never actually spoke with him. I was just in my room when one of my sisters called me- I think it was Hazel, not sure though. She said “Hey, JoJo, somebody’s here to see you!” and I knew Dr Wocket was probably coming over today, so I went right into the foyer- side note- I’m glad we didn’t do the normal “JOJO!” “What?” “Come here!” “I’m busy!” “COME ANYWAY!” “Ergh!” and I’d go out and it would be something important and I’d be embarrassed… but anyway, we didn’t go through that, so my first meeting with the Dr wasn’t as embarrassing as it could have been. I came into the room and he just kinda looked at me for a second. He was desperately trying not to say something awkward, and I could tell. “Yeah I’m JoJo, you didn’t think that I was the short kid.” I said. He laughed. “Well, I’m glad to finally meet you, young man. I presume you know the purpose of my visit?” I shrugged. “Yeah. Well, I don’t know how much help I can give you.” “Nonsense! You are a very intelligent young man, and as I now recall, a good musician?” I looked down, a little embarrassed. “Ummm… okay, you wanna sit down?” I asked, realizing I was making this conversation awkward. “In here.” I walked into the living room. I saw that “Hazel” was gaping at my rudeness, but I didn’t know what to do then. Except- and this was desperate- “I’m sorry, I’m being really awkward…” He laughed again. “Don’t worry about it! So I just was wondering if you could tell me anything else about what YOU think might be going on.”
“Oh, I dunno. Is what I heard about a gang true? That those guys who broke into the school gym were trying to get initiated or something?”
He thought for a second. “Yes, that is true. Have you noticed any ‘groups’ lingering about, maybe with a motley assortment of Whos?”
“Not really, just at school and stuff. A lot of the guys there have ‘gangs’ they hang out with, but I haven’t seen many older Whos doing the same thing.”
“Hmmmm… the high school… do you ‘hang out’ with any of these gangs, JoJo?”
“No, not me. I don’t really do that much with the other guys.”
“I thought as much. Well, let’s see, what else can you tell me?”
I thought a minute. “Well somebody wrecked up my symph… you’d know it as the old observatory. I don’t think that has anything to do with it though. Probably just somebody trying to be mean to me for some reason.”
“Well, the gang initiates did not mention any such thing being their doing… when did this event occur?”
“Uhhhh… I don’t actually know just when… I noticed on… let’s see, the 30th of last month, 'cause it was the day Max was born.”
“Ah, yes, Maxted. How is he doing?”
“He’s good… he’s upstairs or maybe with mom, you wanna go see him?”
“Indeed I do. I have not spoken with your mother in a long time.”
And he went up with me and chatted with mom for a little while, then he said that he had to get going. At the door he turned to me and said, “Hmm… a high school chapter of the gang. I hadn’t thought of it…” then he looked at me like he was thinking. And he kept staring at me and I got really uncomfortable so I coughed a little and he shook his head and smiled. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare. I have an idea formulating in my head, and I usually will look at something for long periods of time and think, and you weren’t moving… oh never mind. Good meeting you, JoJo. I will get back to you…” and he walked away still thinking.
Get back to me? About what? I don’t really like the sound of that. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to help… but something seemed kinda dangerous about the way he said that, and with the kids at school… it still seems like the guys are planning something… hmm… a motley assortment… maybe he was right about that.
“Oh, I dunno. Is what I heard about a gang true? That those guys who broke into the school gym were trying to get initiated or something?”
He thought for a second. “Yes, that is true. Have you noticed any ‘groups’ lingering about, maybe with a motley assortment of Whos?”
“Not really, just at school and stuff. A lot of the guys there have ‘gangs’ they hang out with, but I haven’t seen many older Whos doing the same thing.”
“Hmmmm… the high school… do you ‘hang out’ with any of these gangs, JoJo?”
“No, not me. I don’t really do that much with the other guys.”
“I thought as much. Well, let’s see, what else can you tell me?”
I thought a minute. “Well somebody wrecked up my symph… you’d know it as the old observatory. I don’t think that has anything to do with it though. Probably just somebody trying to be mean to me for some reason.”
“Well, the gang initiates did not mention any such thing being their doing… when did this event occur?”
“Uhhhh… I don’t actually know just when… I noticed on… let’s see, the 30th of last month, 'cause it was the day Max was born.”
“Ah, yes, Maxted. How is he doing?”
“He’s good… he’s upstairs or maybe with mom, you wanna go see him?”
“Indeed I do. I have not spoken with your mother in a long time.”
And he went up with me and chatted with mom for a little while, then he said that he had to get going. At the door he turned to me and said, “Hmm… a high school chapter of the gang. I hadn’t thought of it…” then he looked at me like he was thinking. And he kept staring at me and I got really uncomfortable so I coughed a little and he shook his head and smiled. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare. I have an idea formulating in my head, and I usually will look at something for long periods of time and think, and you weren’t moving… oh never mind. Good meeting you, JoJo. I will get back to you…” and he walked away still thinking.
Get back to me? About what? I don’t really like the sound of that. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to help… but something seemed kinda dangerous about the way he said that, and with the kids at school… it still seems like the guys are planning something… hmm… a motley assortment… maybe he was right about that.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Running Away
This I recorded last month- well, not the background NOISE (That's not music!) just the singing... I know it's terribly sad. It came to mind almost thoughtlessly, the outcry of a broken heart. I left the tape out in Dad's office... and Miss Yelp got her hands on it. I don't know what she was thinking when she saw a record lying there, but she must have thought it was some of her business. I bet she listened to it and didn't think about anything- the words, nothing. Just thought that it was me singing and she got a lot of really good reviews about that other thing on Whospace, and nest thing I know, there I am on the web AGAIN singing. With now new noise in the background, but still me. I really felt like that was all I could do. This was just before I actually did it... Running Away. I just poured my heart out where nobody could hear- well I thought nobody could hear.
Need a break from it all
Some space from it all for a minute
I’m trying to make sense of it all
This place is so unforgiving
Wanting and waiting
And somehow it’s another winter
Big plans and big dreams
They're over now
‘Cause I’m running away,
running away
I gotta do it, make my escape from the world I’ve been living in
Nothing’s holding me down
I’m leaving this town
I gotta do it, deep down I know
That as long as I stay true,
It doesn’t matter where I’m running to
I was so stupid to think that way... I'm alive here. I can't be anywhere else. I gotta think of another verse to put out before everyone thinks I still think that way.
No, I was right. It doesn't matter where I run to...
I came back,
I stayed true
Don't matter where you run to
Come home no matter how far you go
Home'll be there when you get back from runnin
away.
Need a break from it all
Some space from it all for a minute
I’m trying to make sense of it all
This place is so unforgiving
Wanting and waiting
And somehow it’s another winter
Big plans and big dreams
They're over now
‘Cause I’m running away,
running away
I gotta do it, make my escape from the world I’ve been living in
Nothing’s holding me down
I’m leaving this town
I gotta do it, deep down I know
That as long as I stay true,
It doesn’t matter where I’m running to
I was so stupid to think that way... I'm alive here. I can't be anywhere else. I gotta think of another verse to put out before everyone thinks I still think that way.
No, I was right. It doesn't matter where I run to...
I came back,
I stayed true
Don't matter where you run to
Come home no matter how far you go
Home'll be there when you get back from runnin
away.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
The wreck of the symphoniphone, and the rebellion disease that I don't have
I went out to see how bad the symph was and all I can say is… wow. Just completely wow. I think I can start on it with the stuff Dr LaRue sent, but that won’t cover most of it. Actually, most of the stuff wasn’t broken, just bent and warped and pipes were stopped and a lot of the horns were folded over. And… somebody cut down the bells. How could they? Those took me HOURS apiece to get up there. The mechanism for opening the sky-door (I actually didn’t build that part, it was there long before I ever got in there) was jammed. It’ll take a long time to get that working again… especially as I don’t know how to get up to the top with the elevator cord snapped in two like it is. For those of you who haven’t been inside of it, there’s lot’s of little platforms on the walls, built before I got there. A few- the ones without stuff on them, that I use for actually getting up- are really weak, but I never needed to fix them because I have always been light enough to land on them without mishap. But somebody else wasn’t. And especially in the ones close to the ground- the ones I would need to get on to start fixing stuff- the floors have just kinda fallen out. It’s the same with a lot of stuff in there- I didn’t need it to support any more than my weight plus maybe something I was carrying, but there was somebody heavier than me in there and they made a lot of damage. Hmmm… I wonder if they got hurt? That would be a good thing to know; somebody with an unexplainable broken arm might be a culprit. But anyway, I tried to get started after the original shock of seeing it… like that. I knew it so well, I could walk through it in the dark, everything was in perfect order and just my size, but now everything’s just… not. It’s really bad. But some of it still plays, amazingly enough. That’s good. The whosenbagners (Big drums- I named everything in there, not that I ever call them by their names) weren’t damaged, but the giant balls were off of them and on the ground. Yikes, I never thought of it until they were totally out of my control, but they are BIG. Really really big. And I can’t do a thing with them- except sit on ‘em. And that’s not much use at all, so I have these two (Glad I didn’t decide to start working on an extra one before this) giant things I can do NOTHING with sitting around in there. And lets see what else… oh, all of the tympizylophoniums are totally ruined. I can make new ones with the stuff Dr LaRue gave me- except the actual drumheads. That’s gonna be a problem. I don’t have any idea where to get new ones. The old ones were there. WHY they were in an observatory in the first place is really mysterious, but they were and I used ‘em. Now they’re all broken up. So that’s one thing I should really fix. Well, yeah, along with everything else.
And I am being socially rejected by people at school. They think I’m contagious or something… for what I have no idea. I feel like it should be I’m contagious for terrible ideas and bad ways to handle depression, but I doubt it. It’s probably their parents. Most parents… actually, mine wouldn’t want me hanging out with me either. I don’t think I’d even want to be around myself. But it’s not fair; I said I was sorry, why don’t people believe me? It's like they think I have a rebellion disease and it's catching... I don't try to be that way, I try to fight back the tendencies I have, but I always seem to foolishly let my emotions take over. I don't know why.
I'm trying to take it all well. It’s hard, though, when you get girls whispering behind your back, and the guys haven’t done anything yet. YET I say. And the longer it takes in coming, the worse I think it’s getting. There aren’t so many mean kids in my class, but there’s enough rough guys that I might be worried, if I didn’t think that whatever they’d do to me couldn’t be any worse than what happened at the Symphoniphone. Uhhh… now I think about it, that was pretty bad… I can’t tell Dad either. He’s really busy.
And I am being socially rejected by people at school. They think I’m contagious or something… for what I have no idea. I feel like it should be I’m contagious for terrible ideas and bad ways to handle depression, but I doubt it. It’s probably their parents. Most parents… actually, mine wouldn’t want me hanging out with me either. I don’t think I’d even want to be around myself. But it’s not fair; I said I was sorry, why don’t people believe me? It's like they think I have a rebellion disease and it's catching... I don't try to be that way, I try to fight back the tendencies I have, but I always seem to foolishly let my emotions take over. I don't know why.
I'm trying to take it all well. It’s hard, though, when you get girls whispering behind your back, and the guys haven’t done anything yet. YET I say. And the longer it takes in coming, the worse I think it’s getting. There aren’t so many mean kids in my class, but there’s enough rough guys that I might be worried, if I didn’t think that whatever they’d do to me couldn’t be any worse than what happened at the Symphoniphone. Uhhh… now I think about it, that was pretty bad… I can’t tell Dad either. He’s really busy.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Ungrounded tomorrow
Well, nothing much went on today either. School, as normal, went just fine; I don’t blame anyone for staying away from me. I bet their parents told them to. Yeah I realize how bad I must have damaged my reputation. Ouch. Oh well. Gotta just deal with it now.
Tomorrow I get ungrounded. Hooray. I can't wait.
Yeah it's not so bad when you know you really deserve it. But I will be able to go out to the symphoniphone then, and I really can't wait! I missed it- a lot. And it's gonna be a real wreck, I know. But I'll be able to do something with it, I am sure. I really love music. I can't help it, I just love it. Sometimes I feel like I couldn't live if there was no music in the world. How terrible... I don't even want to THINK about it. And it's my music. Mine and nobody else's. That seems selfish, but when I did it all and almost created it, out of stuff that people threw out- junk they thought was worthless and ugly... and then it makes something beautiful... I don't know how to describe the feeling, exactly. And also, all that open space in there... it really gives me time to think. When I'm in there, I feel small. But this is a good feeling- even though I'm small I can fill it with something so big... and I can just... I really don't know what it feels like, I guess it feels like even though I'm small I can do something big enough to fill all of that. Something beautiful from me, even though I'm just small and plain and black and grey, I can make beauty. Not that I like beauty so much, it's just... oh I really don't know how to describe it at all properly!
Tomorrow I get ungrounded. Hooray. I can't wait.
Yeah it's not so bad when you know you really deserve it. But I will be able to go out to the symphoniphone then, and I really can't wait! I missed it- a lot. And it's gonna be a real wreck, I know. But I'll be able to do something with it, I am sure. I really love music. I can't help it, I just love it. Sometimes I feel like I couldn't live if there was no music in the world. How terrible... I don't even want to THINK about it. And it's my music. Mine and nobody else's. That seems selfish, but when I did it all and almost created it, out of stuff that people threw out- junk they thought was worthless and ugly... and then it makes something beautiful... I don't know how to describe the feeling, exactly. And also, all that open space in there... it really gives me time to think. When I'm in there, I feel small. But this is a good feeling- even though I'm small I can fill it with something so big... and I can just... I really don't know what it feels like, I guess it feels like even though I'm small I can do something big enough to fill all of that. Something beautiful from me, even though I'm just small and plain and black and grey, I can make beauty. Not that I like beauty so much, it's just... oh I really don't know how to describe it at all properly!
Monday, February 15, 2010
moble posting?
edit:
Okay that was funny. I borrowed Holly's Who-phone to post that, and boy was she mad at me! She chased me all around the house, and I ran to my bedroom and shut the door. And I thought it was safe to go back out and she leaped on me and toppled me and pinned me to the floor... not very nice. And dad came by then... that was really great. I was saying "Holly stop it!" I couldn't move at all and all the sudden we heard Dad say "Holly?" and she sprang off me. Dad was trying not to smile, I could tell. "What is it now?" I knew I had nothing to go for me at all, having actually taken it off the table after I saw her put it there and useing it without her permission, and she said "JoJo took my Who-phone and was using it and looking at all my contacts!" "What? No I wasn't! Yeah I used the phone but I didn't go through her contacts!" Dad tried to look stern. "Holly?" "What Dad, he did it!" "I know. Tackle him." and I didn't have any time to object because she did, but it wasn't very bad. And it really was funny, even though I got beat up.
But anyway, school was not so bad as I had been anticipating. My teachers… well, some of them berated me the MOMENT I walked into the classroom, others… my coach (we were outside so as not to mess up any other evidence in the gym) said “You think you can still run with all that weight you lost?” and I thought “Whoa” and all my class looked at me and I shrunk down. I must have looked really small when I did that. But even that wasn’t as bad as when Mrs. Fredrickfriedham from Whostory ran to the door and picked me up and hugged me and I was really, really embarrassed- considering the classroom was full at the time and everyone laughed. I think I turned red, which I don’t usually do. Yeah, it was really embarrassing. Especially that she's OLD like maybe 50, and she lifted me off the ground. If I was three maybe, but I'm not and I didn't really appreciate that.
Most of the kids were nice, if kinda distant. A couple of the guys gave me what would have been a normal pat on the back for them and almost knocked me down, the girls almost all opened their eyes really wide and said things like “You’re BACK?” and Mayzie came up and said “Hey! Glad you’re back. Missed you.” And shyly rejoined her group of friends. I tried to smile and say something polite, but all I said was “Thanks”. ERGH! Why did I do THAT? Oh, and Coach did come up to me after school and say, “Sorry about that remark, kid. But you could stand to gain a little. How heavy are you?” I’ve heard that that’s a very impolite thing to say, and I have no real idea. “I dunno, maybe 45?” I said. He whistled. I guess I looked offended, because he apologized. I don’t really mind being my height. In fact, sometimes I wonder how Whos could stand to be so tall! Isn’t it dizzying? But anyway, school was fine except those two incidents.
That's about all that happened today.
edit:
Okay that was funny. I borrowed Holly's Who-phone to post that, and boy was she mad at me! She chased me all around the house, and I ran to my bedroom and shut the door. And I thought it was safe to go back out and she leaped on me and toppled me and pinned me to the floor... not very nice. And dad came by then... that was really great. I was saying "Holly stop it!" I couldn't move at all and all the sudden we heard Dad say "Holly?" and she sprang off me. Dad was trying not to smile, I could tell. "What is it now?" I knew I had nothing to go for me at all, having actually taken it off the table after I saw her put it there and useing it without her permission, and she said "JoJo took my Who-phone and was using it and looking at all my contacts!" "What? No I wasn't! Yeah I used the phone but I didn't go through her contacts!" Dad tried to look stern. "Holly?" "What Dad, he did it!" "I know. Tackle him." and I didn't have any time to object because she did, but it wasn't very bad. And it really was funny, even though I got beat up.
But anyway, school was not so bad as I had been anticipating. My teachers… well, some of them berated me the MOMENT I walked into the classroom, others… my coach (we were outside so as not to mess up any other evidence in the gym) said “You think you can still run with all that weight you lost?” and I thought “Whoa” and all my class looked at me and I shrunk down. I must have looked really small when I did that. But even that wasn’t as bad as when Mrs. Fredrickfriedham from Whostory ran to the door and picked me up and hugged me and I was really, really embarrassed- considering the classroom was full at the time and everyone laughed. I think I turned red, which I don’t usually do. Yeah, it was really embarrassing. Especially that she's OLD like maybe 50, and she lifted me off the ground. If I was three maybe, but I'm not and I didn't really appreciate that.
Most of the kids were nice, if kinda distant. A couple of the guys gave me what would have been a normal pat on the back for them and almost knocked me down, the girls almost all opened their eyes really wide and said things like “You’re BACK?” and Mayzie came up and said “Hey! Glad you’re back. Missed you.” And shyly rejoined her group of friends. I tried to smile and say something polite, but all I said was “Thanks”. ERGH! Why did I do THAT? Oh, and Coach did come up to me after school and say, “Sorry about that remark, kid. But you could stand to gain a little. How heavy are you?” I’ve heard that that’s a very impolite thing to say, and I have no real idea. “I dunno, maybe 45?” I said. He whistled. I guess I looked offended, because he apologized. I don’t really mind being my height. In fact, sometimes I wonder how Whos could stand to be so tall! Isn’t it dizzying? But anyway, school was fine except those two incidents.
That's about all that happened today.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Nothing much is going on here. I am very not looking forward to going to school on Monday. I think all the teachers might have a little more to say... in front of my classes. I know I deserve it all, but I think it will be hard to face them still. I know everything we do has consequences, and what I did has really bad ones. Now I just have to live with it.
Friday, February 12, 2010
The Teachers...
So far, so good, it’s great to be home. But… well, Dad called all my teachers. I wasn’t in the room at the time. But Dad called me soon enough. I knew they’d all want to talk to me- more like scold and lecture and a few of them might want to yell at me, but I was ready. “Hello?” My Whology teacher was on the phone. “YOU ARE A VERY, VERY BAD BOY!!! Do you realize what heartache and pain you caused your parents? You ought to be ashamed of yourself!” I tried to speak, but she kept on going. “And you have not been to school Two weeks! Do you realize that? TWO weeks! Do you know how much homework piles up over two weeks?” “I thought school was canceled for most of that because of the snow!” I said quickly before she could keep talking. There was a pause on the other end of the line. “Well, that’s not an excuse for bad behavior. I should hope you’re parents are punishing you in the way they see fit.” I’m afraid this I found hilarious, and I couldn’t stop from laughing. “What? That’s not funny!” She sputtered. “No, no it’s not, I’m sorry…” “Of all the rudeness!” and she hung up. I sat down in Dad’s chair. Yeah, I’d been standing in it. “Oh, boy. Hope that’s not an indication of how class is gonna go.” I said, handing dad back the phone. He was looking at me with a sad smile. “That’s… the first time you laughed in a long time, son.” He said. I looked down. I didn’t know how to reply. But I don’t think dad wanted a reply. He looked up the next teacher’s phone number. “You might wanna stick around, JoJo. The next one will probably want to talk to you as well.”
So all the calls went a little like that- gym teacher was a little upset about the gym being destroyed partially, but he was still able to… scold. And the hardest one was my writing teacher. I really like her- that’s why I like doing this a lot, but she was… well, she sounded like she didn’t trust me anymore. I do… I think that’s fair. I don’t think anyone will completely trust me anymore. But now I have to live with it. I always will have this scar though. And it’s all my fault. But… I’ll manage. I kinda have to, now.
I really, really want to go try to fix up the symphoniphone. I know I can, but I don’t really want to go out when I’m grounded. If somebody caught me, and told my parents that I’d been out, and that I’d not stayed home when I was supposed to, that would be really, really bad. I don’t want to mess up again. So, because it’s wrong, I won’t. I don’t want to let them down… again.
So all the calls went a little like that- gym teacher was a little upset about the gym being destroyed partially, but he was still able to… scold. And the hardest one was my writing teacher. I really like her- that’s why I like doing this a lot, but she was… well, she sounded like she didn’t trust me anymore. I do… I think that’s fair. I don’t think anyone will completely trust me anymore. But now I have to live with it. I always will have this scar though. And it’s all my fault. But… I’ll manage. I kinda have to, now.
I really, really want to go try to fix up the symphoniphone. I know I can, but I don’t really want to go out when I’m grounded. If somebody caught me, and told my parents that I’d been out, and that I’d not stayed home when I was supposed to, that would be really, really bad. I don’t want to mess up again. So, because it’s wrong, I won’t. I don’t want to let them down… again.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Well, I heard that they cought a bunch of Whos at the school gym. But I didn't hear anything more than that. But as soon as I get un-grounded I'll find out! Whoa. I have a lot to do after I get un-grounded.
I never actually said who exactly Hal was, did I? Well, he and Gerry were the librarians at the library. Okay?
I never actually said who exactly Hal was, did I? Well, he and Gerry were the librarians at the library. Okay?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I'm back
I’m back. I arrived back last night, at around two in the morning. This is a really long post, but please do read it.
I went like normal to the library. Yeah, it had started to feel normal. And I got on my Whoogle mail. There was one item in the inbox. From Dad. Before I deleted it, I saw the subject. It said simply “Remember Horton?” I opened the email. All it said was “Thank you, JoJo.” I was just thinking, and then like a blow in the stomach it hit me. The dream. “No matter what happens, I couldn’t ask for a better son.” No matter, no matter whatever… I had forgotten. And it… I can’t exactly describe what I was feeling then.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Hallie's stranded in the Observatory. She posted with the last power on her Who-phone. And made me who-mail dad. I didn't want him to have my address. Now he does. Thanks a lot, Hallie. He emailed back. But I erased it as soon as it came to the inbox. I don't want to talk, doesn't anyone understand? No... I don't even understand myself. I'm so... I don't understand anything anymore. All I know is I'm not going back. And that's it.
I miss my music. Like I said, I can't even sing. I don't know why. Something inside me just holds me back. I don't know why. I miss school. I'm so confused I just... but one of the librarians is nice. He's a lot bigger than me. I mean, I 'know most Whos are, but he's really tall. He's taller than dad, maybe even taller than the chairman. But he doesn't ask questions, and he doesn't demand that I talk to him. He's perfectly fine with an almost one-sided conversation. Which is good. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I'm afraid they'll... I don't know... I just really don't know.
I miss my music. Like I said, I can't even sing. I don't know why. Something inside me just holds me back. I don't know why. I miss school. I'm so confused I just... but one of the librarians is nice. He's a lot bigger than me. I mean, I 'know most Whos are, but he's really tall. He's taller than dad, maybe even taller than the chairman. But he doesn't ask questions, and he doesn't demand that I talk to him. He's perfectly fine with an almost one-sided conversation. Which is good. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I'm afraid they'll... I don't know... I just really don't know.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
I have been spending most of my time here at the library. It's just WAY too cold outside, plus one of the librarians is nice. I havn't starved because he's nice enough to share his lunch. I feel so greedy, though. He offered to take me home with him one day after I told him that I had been sleeping outside, but I refused, cause I don't want to feel at home again somewhere. I started trying to build like a hut or something, I gotup a framework, and I have actually been working at night when this place is closed. Mostly I'm warm enough with just my fur, but sometimes not. I can't realy sleep that much because I keep waking up every time I have that dream. But I can't do anything about it! It makes me so frustrated! I'm not helpless! Most of the time at least. I tried to get a library card out here, but they wanted an address. There is a little Who-settlement, with a few Whos living here. The farmers all around buy stuff here. The library is very very small, but it still has a whoputer lab. Which amazes me. But as long as I can use it, I won't complain. It's a lot different. But it's not so bad, if you think about it. Oddly enough, I miss school a little. Which is only one of... a lot of stuff I miss. But nobody needs me. So why should I go back? Nobody even WANTS me. I don't want to talk about it.
I miss the symphoniphone and music too. I try to sing, but I can't. I just don't feel like it.
I miss the symphoniphone and music too. I try to sing, but I can't. I just don't feel like it.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
At the library...
I keep feeling safe somewhere, then getting pulled up again. Somebody called Mrs. Kipperdanner and they were asking for me. How did they find me? But I had to leave. I told Katie as I left “Tell your mom… tell her I’m JoJo McDodd and thanks for everything.” And I ran away. I knew that if somebody got out to catch me- Micah or Tommy- they could have caught me. I move pretty fast, but an older Who with longer legs could catch me if he really tried. Oh, they had three kids- Tommy, who’s 15. He treated me like I was so young. But he seemed a little… I don’t know, jealous. Why? I have no idea! Then Micah, who is 13. He is short- I mean a lot taller than me, but short still. And he seemed a little… heady about being taller than somebody finally. But he was nice enough. And then there was Katie. She creeped me a little. She is 11 and she was a little weird about having me there. I was there for only two days. But it really felt… like they wanted me. But then somebody ruined it. So I left.
And now I found a library with an internet connection. And that’s where I am now. I didn’t sleep last night. And I haven’t eaten since I left the Kipperdanners. And I’m not gonna steal. I know it’s really weird, but every time I see like if someone left food sitting out, my mind says “You are a McDodd! Live up to the name!” and I get so mad. But I know it’s wrong to steal anyway. So I’m starving. Not literally, of course, but… I’m not tiered, either. It’s kinda weird, actually, most other guys in my class have to be dragged out of bed after sleeping for 10 hours, but I rarely sleep more than 6, and mostly less than that. I guess I just don’t get tired. I did have this weird theory a while back that maybe my body was cannibalizing growth hormones to stay up all night, but I guess not, 'cause one time I slept all night (not when I was sick) and the next day I felt really lazy for sleeping all night and I was mad at myself and my teachers asked what was wrong. When I told them I slept for 10 hours they said “how long do you usually sleep?” and I told them and they looked at me like I was crazy. And I didn’t grow an “inch.”
Okay, so I’m trying to distract myself. I feel like a who-pig for being hungry after just one day. Actually it’s more like a day and a half, but still… I don’t know what I’ll do after this. It’s really warm in here. And outside… it’s not. I hate reading, so I don’t know what to do in a library that wouldn’t be really weird. But I think the librarian is about to boot me off the computer- he didn’t want me to use it without a library card anyway. So I may put more on later, and I may not. I think I’m far enough from the Kipperdanners that they won’t try to come after me. And my feet are killing me anyway.
And now I found a library with an internet connection. And that’s where I am now. I didn’t sleep last night. And I haven’t eaten since I left the Kipperdanners. And I’m not gonna steal. I know it’s really weird, but every time I see like if someone left food sitting out, my mind says “You are a McDodd! Live up to the name!” and I get so mad. But I know it’s wrong to steal anyway. So I’m starving. Not literally, of course, but… I’m not tiered, either. It’s kinda weird, actually, most other guys in my class have to be dragged out of bed after sleeping for 10 hours, but I rarely sleep more than 6, and mostly less than that. I guess I just don’t get tired. I did have this weird theory a while back that maybe my body was cannibalizing growth hormones to stay up all night, but I guess not, 'cause one time I slept all night (not when I was sick) and the next day I felt really lazy for sleeping all night and I was mad at myself and my teachers asked what was wrong. When I told them I slept for 10 hours they said “how long do you usually sleep?” and I told them and they looked at me like I was crazy. And I didn’t grow an “inch.”
Okay, so I’m trying to distract myself. I feel like a who-pig for being hungry after just one day. Actually it’s more like a day and a half, but still… I don’t know what I’ll do after this. It’s really warm in here. And outside… it’s not. I hate reading, so I don’t know what to do in a library that wouldn’t be really weird. But I think the librarian is about to boot me off the computer- he didn’t want me to use it without a library card anyway. So I may put more on later, and I may not. I think I’m far enough from the Kipperdanners that they won’t try to come after me. And my feet are killing me anyway.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
A very weird dream
I keep having this dream. I am standing somewhere familiar, but I can't place it. My dad is in front of me. I'm breathing hard; something bad just happened. something very, very bad. But I don't know what. Dad turns to me. He's very sad. e kneels down and looks right into my eyes. And he says something. But I don't hear anything. I can see his mouth moving, but nothing. And I know I need to do something, but my feet are almost rooted to the ground. I can't move. And everything gets hot. Burning, everything geos white and I wake up in a cold sweat. What does it mean? I keep having it, every time I go to sleep, and I can't sleep at night because I know if I fall asleep, I'll dream it again. It's so frustrating!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I'm not telling where I am.
So you are all wondering what happened to me. And you say my parents are heartbroken? They aren't. You don't know them. And you say I'm cruel? You don't know what I'm feeling. Nobody...
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Bye
All... well, I wanted to say... I mean, goodbye. I'm leaving. Maxted McDodd. There's no room for me anymore. So I'm going. And I don't know when I'll be able to use the Internet again.
I went out to the symphoniphone after I finished breaking down in my room. I cried for hours and I feel like the fur on my face is stiff. And when I got there... it was trashed. Trashed like the university. Ruined. I spent years and years... but then I went home and cried some more and then Dad called me. "Come see Maxted." He said. Mom was in her room, with a tiny baby. He was blue like dad. "Oh, JoJo, come here." I went over to the bed, looking at the ground. "This is Maxted, your new brother. Maxted, this is JoJo." I forced myself to look up. His eyes were closed, and he looked like a lot of babies I'd seen, but a lot smaller. I looked back down. "Doesn't he look just like your dad?" She asked. I nodded gloomily. I started to leave, Dad caught me at the door. "You okay, JoJo?" He asked. I nodded again, not trusting my voice. he gave me a quick, impersonal hug. "Good night, son." I went out, shut the door and stood and listened. "How's daddy's little boy?" I heard Dad. "What do you think of Maxted Edward?" he asked. I couldn't bear anymore. I ran back to my room. And now, I'm leaving. I tried again and again to write a note, but nothing came out. Except one little piece of paper "I love you all. Love, JoJo" I'll leave it on my desk when I go. Which I'm doing now. I just had to say this before I left. I love you all. I'm gonna go say goodbye to my trashed observatory, then I'll go. I don't know where I'm going, or how I'll get there, or what I'll do when I'm there, but I can't stay any longer. So, I guess this is goodbye.
Goodbye.
I went out to the symphoniphone after I finished breaking down in my room. I cried for hours and I feel like the fur on my face is stiff. And when I got there... it was trashed. Trashed like the university. Ruined. I spent years and years... but then I went home and cried some more and then Dad called me. "Come see Maxted." He said. Mom was in her room, with a tiny baby. He was blue like dad. "Oh, JoJo, come here." I went over to the bed, looking at the ground. "This is Maxted, your new brother. Maxted, this is JoJo." I forced myself to look up. His eyes were closed, and he looked like a lot of babies I'd seen, but a lot smaller. I looked back down. "Doesn't he look just like your dad?" She asked. I nodded gloomily. I started to leave, Dad caught me at the door. "You okay, JoJo?" He asked. I nodded again, not trusting my voice. he gave me a quick, impersonal hug. "Good night, son." I went out, shut the door and stood and listened. "How's daddy's little boy?" I heard Dad. "What do you think of Maxted Edward?" he asked. I couldn't bear anymore. I ran back to my room. And now, I'm leaving. I tried again and again to write a note, but nothing came out. Except one little piece of paper "I love you all. Love, JoJo" I'll leave it on my desk when I go. Which I'm doing now. I just had to say this before I left. I love you all. I'm gonna go say goodbye to my trashed observatory, then I'll go. I don't know where I'm going, or how I'll get there, or what I'll do when I'm there, but I can't stay any longer. So, I guess this is goodbye.
Goodbye.
It's the worst day of my life. The worst. He was born. The baby was a boy. It was a boy... I'm... not...
(Slap myself across the face) I can't... I'm sorry, I'm dissolving into tears and a very small puddle on the floor. I feel like my life is coming apart. All that was so sure... it's dissolving. Melting into a world where there is nothing but me and the black sorrow that my life is becoming.
(Slap myself across the face) I can't... I'm sorry, I'm dissolving into tears and a very small puddle on the floor. I feel like my life is coming apart. All that was so sure... it's dissolving. Melting into a world where there is nothing but me and the black sorrow that my life is becoming.
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