I went like normal to the library. Yeah, it had started to feel normal. And I got on my Whoogle mail. There was one item in the inbox. From Dad. Before I deleted it, I saw the subject. It said simply “Remember Horton?” I opened the email. All it said was “Thank you, JoJo.” I was just thinking, and then like a blow in the stomach it hit me. The dream. “No matter what happens, I couldn’t ask for a better son.” No matter, no matter whatever… I had forgotten. And it… I can’t exactly describe what I was feeling then.
I felt numb all over. I went to the reading corner where nobody was. I sat there and realized… they really did care. I didn’t care about them. That was what happened. I was so blind and stupid not to realize it. I couldn’t see any farther than my own short shadow. And now I ruined everything. I ruined Maxted’s childhood but the fact that there would always be a shadow hanging over it, a shadow of the brother he had never known, but who had broken his parents hearts. Yes, I did. I realized it. I was so selfish… this whole time I was thinking numbly I had my face in my hands. I looked up, Hal was standing there. “Oh, Hal.” I said, trying to control my voice. “Wanna talk about it?” He asked. With a fierce wrenching, I realized I did. I nodded, not trusting my voice. He sat down on the chair next to me. I began “Well…” and I was right not to trust my voice. It broke on me. I looked down, a little embarrassed through everything else, then turned back to him. “Sorry. It’s just… have you ever done anything really, really stupid and realized it too late?” “Oh, yes, I think everybody has.” Hal said gently. I looked away. I just couldn’t face kindness. “Well I kinda…” and it did it again. Right then, I think the last thing I needed was a changing voice, but I think my body was thinking otherwise. “I’m sorry, it only does that when I get em…” I trailed off, not knowing if I could trust him. “It’s okay, JoJo, you can tell me.” I paused a second, realized something wasn’t right “What did you just call me?” I couldn’t have mistaken it; he’d used my name, which I never told. But I didn’t really care anymore. “Yes, I know, Gerry knows too. We were waiting for you to tell us.” He put his hand across my shoulders. Dad did that all the time. And that one familiar gesture totally broke me down. I don’t remember what I said exactly, I just remember that I said that I ruined all our lives and that’s when I started crying. I never, ever cried in front of people before that. Except my parents, I mean not strangers. I kept trying to talk, I had to let him know. But after a few sentences I couldn’t talk anymore. I realized he had pulled me close to him, I didn’t care anymore. Suddenly held me out. “Listen, JoJo.” I looked at him, he continued. “You can stop it. You can make it right. Go home now, JoJo. Your family needs you.” “But what… what if they won’t take me back?” I said a very real fear I had just then. I sniffled. “Oh, they will. A family needs every member to be a family. There will never be a whole family missing someone, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem. The family is either whole, or in pieces. And with your family, they need you even more. They need you to lead when there is no leader left; they need you to stand tall when taller people are failing. They need you. Maxted needs you. Your parents need you. You may not realize it, but you need them, more even then they need you. You’re strong, JoJo. But not on your own. Go home. It IS home.” And he was right. I knew he was. I looked at him. “You’re young. Don’t let some silly trivial thing ruin your life.” And he looked down at me. “I… I’m sorry…” and it broke again. “I’m sorry, it usually doesn’t do that…” I stammered. “No, it’s okay, it happened to all of us. But we can’t just sit here and talk. Whoville’s 12 hours from here. You, young man, need to get walking.” And we went to the door. I was going out and he was standing at the door. “Hey, JoJo!” he called. I turned. “Got a girlfriend?” He said jokingly. “No! Yuck!” I called back. He laughed. “So maybe when you’re an old bachelor you can come and visit an even older bachelor?” I tried to smile. “Bye, Hal.” I said. “Bye, kid.” And I went off down the road. But while I walked, I kept thinking. But what if they didn’t want me back? But… But… and soon I settled into a state of general numbness.