I'm back

I’m back. I arrived back last night, at around two in the morning. This is a really long post, but please do read it.

I hadn’t stopped on the way home, hadn’t talked to anyone (partly because I had put too mush emotional strain on my voice and I didn’t want to risk embarrassment again); when I was running I didn’t go straight, so actually Whoville was only about 12 hours from the library. So I walked home. I got there around 12 midnight. Nobody was awake. So I climbed back up the old tree and back in the old window. I went into the hall of mayors. It was faintly lit by the skylights in the ceiling. Everything was just the same. Except, on my account, the Whos who live here. And I suddenly felt a wave of nausea- that maybe they really would put me back out, but I fought it. And then I felt exhausted. I could barely go to my room. The bed wasn’t made. I pulled myself into it and slept. I slept without a dream for the first time in days. When I woke up, it was because there was pale, dawn sun coming through my window. Somebody’d opened it. I closed it. Sat back down on the bed, for the first time realizing what I had done. All of it. I ran away, first off, and then I came back. I had almost ruined my life, and the lives of my parents, and my sisters, and my… and my brother. And suddenly… I’m still realizing it and feeling it… all I wanted to do was apologize. I did all this. It was all my fault. I had to say sorry. I am so sorry, dad. Dad was the one I had hurt the most, I know. I can’t even imagine how badly I’d hurt him. He tried his best to teach me, I ignored him. It seemed like this happened all too often. Many, many times when I was young I’d ignored him, and always, always with terrible consequences. And then I’d almost hated him for stupid things, like being mayor and making me be mayor after him, and I was so wrong about that, and what I did then was almost as dumb as running away… not talking. He was always right, every time I could remember. And I was always wrong. How could I be wrong so many times? But I was and now there was this thing still between us. And I needed to get rid of it, NOW. It was… I looked at the clock. 5:30. He should be waking up around now. And I needed to get this right. I went out into the hall of mayors, feeling every painted eye was on me, frowning at this little shirker of a McDodd. It was so awful- I can’t remember a time when I’d wanted out so bad as I did then. Even back when… before Horton. But I guess I’d unconsciously made up my mind. I wasn’t gonna shrink away anymore. I already had too much. So I went up to my parent’s bedroom door. I could hear them getting up in there. And it almost seemed too much. I sat down against the wall, breathing hard. I hate drama, and I couldn’t find a way not to do this dramatically. But suddenly remorse and guilt subdued my thoughts, and I stood up and knocked on the door. From then on I remember precisely every moment, and I’ll try to tell it like it was. I looked up, dad opened the door, looked down, saw me. “Dad.” I said, he knelt down and hugged me like he’d only done once before- when we thought we were gonna die on top of city hall. I was sobbing out, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” Dad was holding me and was stroking my fur, I think mom probably saw what had happened, but I don’t recall her saying anything just then. Dad held me out. He opened his mouth, like he was about to speak. But he couldn’t say anything. He clutched me again. “Oh, Dad I’m so sorry. I… I’m so sorry…” and he could talk again. “Shhh, shhh, oh, JoJo, buddy, it’s okay.” “No, no, it’s not okay. I was so stupid to…” “No, it’s my fault I’m the one that should be sorry.” “No! It’s my fault, you didn’t run away, I did, I’m so sorry dad, please forgive me. I’m so sorry.” I sobbed out the words, dad pulled me to him again. “I’m so sorry, JoJo, it was my fault…” I opened my mouth, he laid a finger on it. “It’s my fault. I should have communicated, I should have understood. Please forgive me, son.” “No, dad, no I should have listened. I didn’t listen, I’m so sorry…” “I love you, JoJo. I love you so much.” “Oh, dad, I love you too.” We hugged again. And I felt something I never felt before. Forgiven. Even after all the stupid things I did, he still loved me. He still does. Mom came over. I tore away from Dad, ran to Mom, hugged her, she kneeled down, hugged me. “Oh, mom, I’m really, really, really sorry.” “I forgive you JoJo. I love you so much.” She said, choking up. “I love you Mom.” I said. I looked past her. “Maxted?” I asked. “He’s here.” She picked him up out of the crib. He was so small, his eyes were closed. He was a perfect baby. I realized- I still feel so terrible about it- but how could I ever hate him? I did. I must have. How could I have done what I did, brooded over him every night, I couldn’t get him out of my thoughts, I couldn’t stop hating him. But HOW could I? I don’t know how I could hate him, when all along I really loved him. “Can I?” She didn’t even think twice. I was half expecting her to pause a second. I don’t know if I could have forgiven her if she had, but she didn’t. I held him- my little brother, I wasn’t the only boy now. I suddenly realized that this was a good thing. I love him. He’s my brother. I can’t help myself. He opened his eyes and looked at me. He looked almost like dad (a baby version) except for one thing- his eyes. They were the exact same color as mine. I looked from those baby brown eyes to mom. She was smiling at us. “You… you two belong together.” She said almost thoughtlessly. “I agree.” Dad said slowly, coming up behind us. “Oh, JoJo, I hate to do this…” He trailed off. “What, Dad?” I asked. “Well, to be… fair, I guess, I’m gonna have to ground you. No going out for a week.” “Oh, dad, make it worse!” I begged, realizing how that sounded, but wanting him to anyway. “What?” He looked a little surprised at this sudden outburst. “I just… never mind. I love you Dad.”


I felt like a little bit of a stranger in my own home… that is, until the girls saw me. They all started coming for breakfast in about half an hour, and as soon as they saw me I was dogpiled. All I could hear was “JoJo!” “You’re home!” Finally, Hester, of all people, dragged me out from under, ribcage bruised, battered all over, but feeling better knowing that they all forgave me. Then she crushed me in a hug I didn’t think she was capable of giving, then while she was crushing my ribs, gave me a gleeful welcome home, and then a sound scolding, and all I can say is I’m glad she had the sense to bend down and hug me instead of squeezing my head 'cause then I might be dead instead of just SORE. And Hallie “Rescued” me from Hester and said, “Well… you sure… oh, JoJo!” and she hugged me too and I told her I couldn’t breathe and she let go of me. “Well, are you coming to school?” She asked. Oh drat. I hadn’t thought of that. “Uhhhh…” I turned to Dad. “Well, not today. I’ll call all your teachers.” “Wait, why?” I asked. “Well, 'cause you have been missing for more than a week, young man, it’s all over the papers.” I felt deflated suddenly. “Dad, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” He gave a half smile. “I know, I know. I promised not to lecture you, but I will anyway. You can’t run away from your problems, right?” I looked down. “Yes.” “Okay, good, got that straight. And also, if you have a problem, talk to me, please.” “I will, dad. I will.”

There. That was a really, really long post.